Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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