Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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