Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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