hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
