You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
