hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
