You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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