I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
