At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
