You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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