It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
