He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
