I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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