great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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