I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
