oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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