his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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