She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
