I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Holy shit dude........stairs
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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