What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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