Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
