I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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