i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
