I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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