We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
