I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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