kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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