What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
