this boner is exhausting
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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