i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
