If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
