I am puke
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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