after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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