Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
