he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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