He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
