I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
