Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
