I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
