wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
