Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
