What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just google imaged poop.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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