I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
