Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
