I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
