So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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