who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
