So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
