rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
