i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
