I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
